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Showing posts from 2016

Holidays, teenage parties and music festivals: Simple things parents can do to keep their child as safe as possible

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None of what I'm going to talk about today is new - I've raised almost all of these issues many times before - but leading into the holidays it is important for parents to remember that this is a dangerous time. Every year we lose a number of our young people around the Christmas/New Year break due to alcohol and other drugs and almost all of them are completely preventable. We see a spike in alcohol-related drownings and alcohol poisonings, young people dying in car crashes where alcohol is involved increases and, of course, there is the inevitable rise in drug overdoses and, in some cases, deaths, increasingly linked to the use of ecstasy and other illicits at music festivals. It's hard to forget that we had six ecstasy-related deaths at music festivals over last year's holiday period ... Our teens have just finished the school year and are keen to party, the weather is perfect and there is an expectation in this country that whatever we do, we need to do it in a

Ensuring your child knows how to call an ambulance and that they have your support should they need to call: Not just a school's responsibility

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If you've ever had to call 000, for whatever reason, I'm sure, like me, you found it quite a traumatic experience. You're not only trying to deal with an emergency situation, you also find yourself talking to an insanely calm voice on the other end of the line that keeps asking you questions when all you really want is the police, an ambulance or the fire brigade to show up as fast as humanly possible ... Don't get me wrong - emergency operators are amazing people who have to deal with life threatening situations every minute of every day, talking people through incredibly tough times, but boy it's not easy being the one who makes the call! That is why I am constantly amazed at how many young people (and sometimes very young children) manage to do it so effectively. I believe one of the most important conversations any parent can have with their child (from a very early age and then regularly when they are in their teens) is ensuring that they know how to call an

Can I? Can I? Can I? When do teens believe the best time is to try to wear you down and get the answer they want?

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As I wrote about in a recent post, I have been collecting information throughout the year on a range of issues around parties and gatherings and alcohol from young people via a short questionnaire I ask them to fill out after the talks I present at schools. I now have over 500 completed surveys from Year 10 and 11 students across all three systems - public, Independent and Catholic - and over the next couple of months leading up to the Christmas holidays I thought I would share some of the results with readers of my blog - some of them are really fascinating ... It needs to be made clear that this is not a rigorous piece of scientific research and I can't submit any of my 'findings' to a journal for publication, but the results provide a rough snapshot of what is happening across the country in this area. As much as I wanted to know about their drinking behaviour, that can be a dangerous area to get into (particularly around 'duty of care') so I tried to focus mor

One of those teen parties where everything goes right: One Mum's story she was desperate to share

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I'm getting a little tired of talking about teenage parties and gatherings where things go wrong and I end up criticising parental behaviour that not only adversely affects their own child but other peoples' children as well. There are so many parties put on every weekend that go well - no dramas, no problems - just a bunch of wonderful young people getting together and having a great time and it's about time that I did my bit to acknowledge and celebrate these events. I received an email from a Mum named Carol a few weeks ago who desperately wanted to share her experience with organising and hosting a teen party for her daughter's 15th birthday, not because it all went horribly wrong but because it went so well! It's taken a couple of weeks to get this written as we've spoken on the phone a couple of times since I received her message in an effort to try to pin down a couple of key things that she thinks led to the success. Here is Carol's original emai

Mixed sleepovers: What are parents thinking?

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I'm not sure whether it's just the end of the year and I'm starting to get tired but I seem to be doing a fair bit of 'parent-bashing' at the moment ... I hope that regular readers of my blogs know that I think most of you guys are amazing! It's not easy being a parent - there are lots of challenges and, as I always say, there is no 'rule book' and so there's lots of 'trial and error' involved with the whole process. That said, over the past couple of months I have heard about some examples of parental behaviour, particularly around parties and gatherings, that just makes things so much more difficult for all you guys who are trying to do the right thing  ... case in point - mixed sleepovers! In the past month I have been approached by parents at two different schools who have recently struggled with their teens over this issue and have no idea how to progress with the problem. Interestingly, both parents asked me to be extremely careful

Picking your teen up from a party by text: What position does that put the parents hosting the event in?

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A few weeks ago I wrote about a very dear friend of mine who had contacted me about a party she had hosted for her 15 year-old daughter and her absolute shock that not one parent had contacted her beforehand to find out anything about the event. Adding insult to injury, she couldn't believe that the girls attending were simply dropped off at the end of the driveway (no-one bothered to walk their daughter to the house and introduce themselves to her and her partner) and then picked up by text when the party finished. That blog entry got a huge reaction, with many readers writing to me that they had had a similar experience, totally gobsmacked that so many parents appeared to have absolutely no interest in who would be looking after their child on a Saturday night, where they would be going and what they were actually planning to do with them when they got there! One part of the story really resonated with another friend of mine and he got in contact with me and asked me to share

Want to have a good conversation with your teen? Talk to them at night, very late!

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"Every conversation I have with my 15 year-old at the moment ends in a fight! Apparently I don't understand anything about the world, my rules are completely different to every other parent's and, as I'm usually told as the door slams, I just want to ruin her life!" As tempting as it must be sometimes to just turn and walk away and think this is just all too hard when this kind of thing happens, it is incredibly important that parents continue to try and work hard to maintain a dialogue with their son or daughter during the teen years. I've just pulled this quote out of one of many emails I've had over the years  - I can't tell you how many times I've been told by mums and dads that their wonderful, communicative and co-operative teen went up to bed one night and was somehow replaced by aliens with a 'pod person' - an adolescent that they now simply don't recognize! If their child did actually decide to converse it was usually to arg

A mother's concern about alcohol, football and 'Mad Monday'

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Alcohol and sport are bound together tightly in this country and, to be honest, it doesn't look like it's going to change anytime soon. I remember going to a conference many years ago and hearing from an expert in the area that it took 25 years from the day Bob Hawke announced that tobacco sponsorship of sport would end to the day it finally did, but if a Prime Minister did the same thing around alcohol today, it could take close to 40 years to disentangle the two! Pretty amazing stuff but not really surprising ... Participation in sport is regarded as a protective factor for young people when it comes to alcohol and other drugs. It's a healthy activity, keeps them busy and 'off the streets', as well as offering them a sense of 'connectedness', particularly when it comes to team sports. It is also a way of parents maintaining a positive relationship with their child - e.g., driving them to training and to the actual sporting events, showing an interest in

Why don't parents make the call to find out what is happening at a teen party? If they do, what should they ask?

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A friend of mine recently contacted me to let me know that her Year 10 child had really enjoyed the talk I had given her. This wonderful mother had been 'building me up' for years and, finally, her daughter was at the age when she was going to hear what all the excitement was about! Not surprisingly, her teen's expectations were high but according to her mum her 15 year-old came home more than happy with what she had heard and the family had a great conversation about the talk and the messages presented. Unfortunately the next part of the conversation was not so positive ... She and I have spoken a number of times about the importance of parental monitoring and knowing where your child is, who they're with and when they'll be home. She and her partner have attended a number of my parent sessions and I have warned her about the change in parent behaviour she was likely to see when children hit those teen years and started to be invited to 'gatherings'. Re

When your teen does something wrong, remember the mantra 'They're missing a piece of their brain!'

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During the week I met a Year 11 girl who wanted to apologise to me for something that had happened to her only a few weeks after I had presented to her and her classmates last year. She had gone to a small gathering with a group of friends, including her boyfriend (who had also heard me speak at another school), was planning on drinking but certainly not getting drunk, and things just went pear-shaped. She ended up being taken to hospital after vomiting for a number of hours, being placed on life-support and was now totally mortified after causing her friends, boyfriend and family so much distress due to her actions. So why did she want to apologise to me? I am paraphrasing but this is essentially what she said: "I have no idea why I didn't listen to you. I loved your talk and I listened to everything you said. You told us all the things we should do if we were planning on drinking alcohol, all the things to keep us safer and I didn't do any of them. In fact, I almost

Should you be automatically responding to your child's 'call for help' via text during the school day? How could this affect their future resilience?

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Last year I posted a Facebook entry about an incident at a school I had recently visited ... it went something like this:   Just have to share ... Went to a school recently and met with the Year 10 Co-ordinator who appeared very flustered. It was obvious that something had upset her. When I asked her if she was okay she told me about a phone call she had just received and it totally floored me ... Apparently she had given one of her Year 10s a detention and within minutes the girl's mother called her to request if she could do the detention for her!!! Can you believe it? What is wrong with some of these parents? At the time I was completely unaware of how often this actually goes on in schools. Of course, this is an extreme case, a mother actually asking to do her daughter's detention for her is highly unusual (although according to principals and teachers across the country it certainly happens more than you would think!), but parents responding to their child's calls